Archive for the ‘Disciplines’ Category

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Other People Are Not Always What We Think

April 27, 2016

When you know someone well, you get a picture in your mind about their overall life attitudes and ethics. Sometimes we are surprised when someone we thought we knew does something out of character, but usually when we know someone, we can predict their behavior.

When we don’t really know other people but think we do, we can be completely wrong.

Some people in the US have a picture of what a Christian looks like, thinks like, acts like, and so forth. Then they read something about Europe, for example, and form an opinion about Europeans. I’ve seen the same attitudes directed toward people of other areas in the world, as well.

If you ask around the rural American Midwest, the picture that you form about Europeans would be that they have loose morals, open sex, much drinking, no religion.

While that would not be every person in the Midwest, of course, you’d find enough to paint the picture.

I’m in Europe while writing this after having dinner last night with several Germans and a Dutch guy.

While by and large Europeans do not have the same view of religion as my neighbors, I for one am not ready to pronounce judgement on them.

Regarding personal morality, I have found every person I’ve met over the past 30 years of traveling over here to have the highest. You, my Midwest readers, may have heard about Amsterdam and other European cities where prostitution is somewhat open–that is, not hidden in truck stops and alleys like in America. That does not mean that every European man visits them.

Let’s take the thought of assumption to another level. Think of the rich young man’s encounter with Jesus. The man was obedient to God. He followed the laws. Jesus loved him. Yet, he went away sad when Jesus told him that to inherit eternal life he must give away all his possessions to the poor and follow.

Have you speculated on that man? Come to any conclusions? That is hard to do. We hear rich and paint a picture of a certain sort of man. But maybe that painting is wrong.

I think the reason for the story is not to point to the young man and allow us to speculate about other people. I think we are to take this story to ourselves. What are we willing to give up that gets in the way of our following Jesus?

Our job is not to assume what other people are like. Our job is to get ourselves right. Then we can meet other people with openness and sensitivity.

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Grace Turned Outward

April 26, 2016

I like that phrase from John Fischer and his newsletter “The Catch.” I’m thinking a lot about turning outward lately.

If you are in a church, where are you turned?

Are you turned inward–focused on fellowship with the people you already know and the building you already have? Are you turned outward–focused on others, serving others, telling others about your relationship, showing grace?

A friend was discussing these things the other day. She has noticed a general turning away from others outside the local church and an inward focus. They spend money on internal things. Spending to support ministries outside the walls is dwindling toward zero.

My own church has decided to spend somewhere around $350,000 on its current building. That’s above budget spending. Meanwhile, spending outside the walls is only around $60,000. (We send money to the denomination, too, but that’s a requirement, not an act of generosity or grace.)

What of yours?

It’s more than money. Go back and read Acts 2 through 4. The early followers of Jesus lived such a different and fulfilling life from their neighbors that as the customer in the restaurant in the scene from “When Harry Met Sally” said, “I’ll have what she’s having.”

Back to John Fischer. He moderates a weekly podcast, “The Catch,” where he interviews interesting friends. He takes big chances, at times. But we learn much.

Last week he interviewed Wayne Bridegroom. He’s a conservative Baptist minister with a church on the poor side of Modesto, Calif. Migration from Southeast Asia began in the 80s, and he began meeting Christians from a variety of ethnic groups.

He opened the doors for a variety of groups to worship and encouraged their growth. At times there were Lao, Hmong, Spanish, Cambodian, and others worshiping. Sometimes they’d all gather together.

I thought, there’s one way that a church can reach out and serve the community. There was much more. I encourage you to listen to the discussion.

What ideas might you devise to turn outward?

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He or She Won’t Bring Instant Happiness

April 25, 2016

I’ve got to know if your sweet love is gonna save me. — The Eagles

I grew up relationship challenged. My parents were not good at relationships. They passed that trait along to their four sons.

But even I grew up dreaming that a girl (any girl) would save me–that is bring me happiness, endless bliss, solve all my problems.

While at university I stumbled across the writing of Rollo May. Love and Will was the first of several I read.  He discusses that situation. Even before I really knew about relationships (even though I was probably 19 or 20), I absorbed much wisdom from the book.

He traced back to classical and ancient times where men had those same thoughts.

But, wait a second ladies. Isn’t it true that most (or all?) women dream that marriage will bring them all the pieces of salvation? Stability, feelings of worthiness, security, someone to listen to their feelings expressed?

Well I’ll tell you. I stood on that corner in Winslow, Arizona. There was no girl in a flat-bed Ford slowing down to take a look at me. Or any other vehicle, for that matter.

No, all those feelings of safety, security, relationship, stability, they all stem from a developing relationship with God. Human relationships are messy. We misunderstand each other. We misinterpret each others’ comments or gestures. We expect one thing and get another.

We have to bring our own stability into the relationship for mutual benefit.

And how do we find, nurture, and maintain our relationship with God? Through our spiritual practices. Study. Prayer. Service. Worship. Humans have known for millennia about these practices. Yet, each one of us must learn the lesson anew.

[Oh, and sorry for my eclectic musical references. I know some people listen to only one genre. Most American readers of these musings probably listen only to “Christian” music. As for me, the only music I don’t listen to is modern country (the Nashville sound–earlier is good) and hip-hop. Just a matter of taste. The purpose of music is to  share feelings. You can find it in folk, classical, pop, rock, sacred, whatever.]

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Leadership Means Establishing Responsibility and Accountability

April 22, 2016

Responsibility and accountability. These are both spiritual formation values and leadership essentials.

One of the organizations I work with has developed a system of diffused responsibility and accountability. When there is no one person responsible for a function, that task will be undone and the function will not grow and prosper.

Think about Jesus. He made people responsible for themselves and for certain roles. His last instructions to his followers we call the “Great Commission.” He did not give the instruction to an organization. He gave it to those who follow him.

Then he told stories, such as that of the talents. The servants were given responsibility to make the most of the money the master entrusted them with. But then the master returned and held each accountable.

As a leader or part of the ruling board or committee, the essential task prior to oversight is to establish clear responsibilities and accountability. Do not put two different committees or point leaders in charge of the same thing. Now no one is accountable.

Establish point leaders for each important function that must be done. Start with the overall manager and then each functional area. There are certain things that must be done if the organization is to succeed. Assure that these are defined.

Just so in personal development. We are each responsible for our spiritual formation. No one will do it for us. We can search out guides and mentors. In the end, we are each responsible for what we did in response to Jesus’ commando–“Go into all the world and make disciples…” We are each responsible for deciding to be a follower and developing and using our gifts in the service to God and to all other people.

We cannot escape being held accountable for how well we accomplished our responsibilities in life. As Paul laid out in Romans, life in the spirit begins with faith and completes with how well we lived.

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Attitude Plus Action

April 20, 2016

When your mother repeated something, you knew that she meant for you to realize it was more than a comment. She was emphasizing a point you were supposed to remember.

I’ve been reading Matthew looking at just Jesus’ words. What did Matthew report that Jesus actually said. I discovered that reading chapters 4-7 regularly will keep us grounded in the teaching.

Yesterday, I noticed a phrase repeated. It was from Hosea 6–“God desires mercy not sacrifice.”

This must be important.

Sacrifice referred to the Jewish religious practice of going to the Temple and offering an animal to be killed in your name for the forgiveness of your sin. Of course, a business developed around the practice when businessmen figured out that pilgrims had a difficult time bringing their own dove or lamb or whatever. So they sold them in the courtyard of the Temple–convenience at a price. We know that drill today.

That practice is just one of many that grew up more focused on the ritual or the practice (we call it “works”) than on having a right attitude toward God.

So then I thought about the word mercy. When I considered all the teachings of Jesus I had just immersed in, I realized it was about attitude. It concerned the condition of my heart. It was existing in a state of loving God and loving my neighbor.

Sacrifice = ritual + law

Mercy = attitude + action

I realized once again how concerned Jesus was about the status of our hearts. And that contemplation and study are merely the foundation for getting up and serving and teaching.

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Inappropriate Explosions of Emotion

April 19, 2016

I had a conversation with a coach yesterday describing an inappropriate explosion of emotion I experienced over the weekend. And no, it wasn’t me!

It dealt with a coach explosion on the sideline of a game and subsequent venting in public. The coach I was talking with said, “Hmm, I’d better learn from that. Take a deep breath. I can get carried away at times.”

There actually exists a time for anger. Sometimes you just have to show emotion. There is a referee I know who is very good. Her weakness? She is always too nice. Sometimes you have to have “the look” that tells players she’s unhappy with that action.

I bet she develops “the look” when she gets married…OK, we won’t go there.

The deep breath comment is worth digesting.

Most times our anger is not that of an honest response to a wrong. It rather springs from sources such as wounded pride or excess of ego. Some of the angriest people are also the most insecure.

Andy Stanly discusses “what have we got to fear” on his current Your Move series.

Security comes from a deep relationship with God. Usually that was modeled by secure parents. If you were not so fortunate, perhaps a spouse or other relationship. Perhaps you could be that model of relationship to help someone overcome the fear and anger that resides deeply within.

In normal life, the deep breath before shouting at the kids or referees will save both us and others injured feelings and discord.

I go to my model. Jesus dealt with all manner of interruptions and even hate with patience and even-temperedness. However, when he was unhappy with the way the religious leaders were ripping off pilgrims to the Temple, he did not hesitate to show his anger at the sacrilege.

Deep breath. Slow release. Ahhhh. Now go face the day.

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A Teaching Moment or a Being There Moment

April 18, 2016

I am running a little late this morning getting this written. Recovering from a busy weekend.

Spent most of the weekend at a youth soccer tournament in Cincinnati. I was there to work with a group of young men (there was a woman in the group, but she was injured and left before I got there) improve as soccer referees and progress to higher levels of grade and games.

Isn’t it amazing how learning moments and growth moments occur sideways to a main topic?

We were talking techniques and observation skills to help them referee better.

There was one young man who was fit and enthusiastic. He showed all the potential toward becoming one of the elite referees in the state.

Oops, then he cramped. It was the first hot weekend of the year with temperatures into the 80s. Hydration was important. I even got mildly dehydrated and I wasn’t running. Just never realized I wasn’t drinking enough water even though I was standing and walking.

Well, this young man told me (after returning from the medical tent with a bottle of water and a bottle of sports drink with orders to drink them both, soon), “Well, I only had two beers last night.” Any water with the beer? “No, and I didn’t eat breakfast this morning.”

So we talk nutrition and taking care of our bodies.

I started thinking about being open to all manner of conversation when the moment appears. There are a few friends who believe every occasion should be filled with preaching at.

Sometimes listening and responding to the need is what is really crucial. I could have taught a class on nutrition before. Who’d have cared? But, when the need arises, then we have a teaching moment.

Same with all manner of spiritual and emotional teaching.

And, sometimes, it’s not the words, but just being there. In my weekend example, the group of referees were just happy that someone cared enough to come out and be there. How many times have you been with someone in trying times and being there is all that’s needed.

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Leadership By Delegation

April 15, 2016

What is the hardest leadership lesson to learn? Actually, more than learn (we all can memorize words and regurgitate them), what is the hardest leadership task to do?

Pause, while you think…

I’m betting on delegation.

It is for me.

I’m a get things done sort of person. Give me a task and I dive in and do it.

Even as a leader. Often I would just do the task. Until I found myself just totally swamped. Then I’d take a breather–no, literally, with Yoga breath–and gain perspective. Then say to myself, self, you could have asked someone else to to this. They’d have loved the task. You’d have been able to work on something more important to your own goals.

So, you have your trusted place where you write every idea, task, next action, request. And you process those into lists of next actions (to-do list). Oh, yes, and then you have to actually do the items, one by one.

What if you added one more thought consideration to your process? What if on every item you thought, “Can someone do this better, faster, easier than I can?”

What’s the trouble with delegating?

  • You think it’s too much trouble to explain to someone else how to do it or just exactly what you want.
  • You don’t trust someone else with the task.
  • You’re a control freak–you know who you are.
  • You think they are already too busy.

Why should you delegate?

  • You only work on items that you do best.
  • You work on items that further your goals, and by extension, your organization’s goals.
  • You will be developing the skills and value of someone else.
  • You will strengthen the team by including more people on it.
  • You will prepare for future leadership transitions.

This is hard. I know it. Been there, done that, have a T shirt. But you and your organization will become so much more effective if you do it.

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Treating Other People Well

April 14, 2016

Jesus left us with clear teaching about how we are to live in society. Unambiguous. Straight forward. Challenging.

Try–and the second is like the first to love your neighbor as yourself. Whereupon he proceeded to give his listeners an expanded definition of neighbor.

Try–and they will know my followers by their love.

I just saw someone on Facebook (I slipped and actually read through my newsfeed this morning) ranting about discrimination laws.

I thought, why do we have such laws? Well, it must be because we as a society discriminate against other people or groups of people.

Why do we, in a Christian nation (as my friends like to say), discriminate against people or groups of people when the founder and author of our faith says to love our neighbor?

Will laws change our hearts?

Well, laws can change habits (maybe), and a habit repeated can change our heart. And Jesus was concerned with the heart.

But, Jesus’ main opponents, the Pharisees, tried that law path themselves. We’ll make them behave, they thought, by laying out a law governing every aspect of the peoples’ lives.

Hmmm. Didn’t work out for them, did it? Grace won.

So, why do we have laws about discrimination?

Sounds like a vicious circle. We don’t live out our life as Christ-followers, so some bright people say “we ought to pass a law”, and people resent being told to be nice. So we gotta pass another law.

Better to determine, where is our heart.

Maybe a bumper sticker, “Jesus is my cardiologist.” Nah. Bumper sticker theology is so lame.

Maybe I’ll just go out today and love my neighbor.

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Let Your Light Shine

April 13, 2016

Still looking at the early teachings of Jesus that Matthew recorded. Jesus told us about letting our light shine. We don’t hide lights (duh). The reason we turn one on is to illuminate an area, right?

Whenever Jesus used a common physical story, it is always meant to describe our own lives.

So, he took the light metaphor and applied it to us.

Let your light shine, he said.

Why?

Some think that letting our light shine means to talk all the time. Light equals air. We are shining because we are always telling people about Jesus and ourselves. We tell it. And retell it. And even more.

But…

That’s not what Jesus said. Check it out.

Jesus said that we should let our lights shine so that people will see our good works.

But not just to see that we do good things. It’s not about us. Jesus has lots of stories about people who do things just for show. It’s a little theater. Look at me.

No, Jesus said another so that. So that people will glorify God because of our good works.

It’s all about attitude. You don’t do good works to earn God’s favor. You do good works because you have this great relationship with God. And then you let people see them so that God will get the glory.

We make a mistake when we think it’s all about preaching. It’s all about revealing our right relationship with God through how we act and what we do. Don’t hide your light.

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