Archive for the ‘Attitude’ Category

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Not For The Purpose of Quarreling Over Opinions

September 17, 2015

Yesterday I pondered what kind of church, indeed what kind of society, we’d have if we could incorporate Paul’s 29 definitions of love from Romans 12.

Then I glanced over a page and saw Romans 14: “Welcome those who are weak in the faith, but not for the purpose of quarreling over opinions.”

We live in a society of people filled to overflowing with emotional opinions that are shallow and not thought out. Just check the majority of Facebook posts. Or check the comments to blogs over the past 10 years.

Andy Stanley recently taught a series called “Christian” where he voiced general society’s view of Christians as a quarrelsome lot. He nailed it.

I long ago gave up on the idea of having an intelligent conversation based on well-thought-out ideas among people willing to listen to reason. Actually, I have had a few business dinners where that sort of good conversation broke out. But it rarely happens among Christians.

What if? What if those of us who identify as Christ-followers, those seeking to live a with-God life, what if we chose not to quarrel with those weak in the faith over opinions? What if we asked questions out of the depths of love? And then listened to their stories with the depths of love? And what if we could quietly share just what great things happen personally when we live a life with God?

John Lennon sang, “You may say I’m a dreamer. But I’m not the only one.”

I’d love to see more than a few of us. How about you?

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Discerning God’s Will

August 19, 2015

“You will win the election if it is God’s will,” the lady told a political candidate.

Subsequent conversations with others about God’s will centered on the question of how do you know and what do you mean.

Is it God’s will for whether the politician wins or not? Or, is the issue whether the politician is following God’s will–his calling–for his life? Maybe he sat in contemplation and God whispered that his talents would be best used as a politician. Although I have to say from personal observation (I’ve met him briefly, he’s my representative somewhere) that he probably had a better calling as a Navy SEAL than as a legislator. But, who am I to question God?

Psychologist Henry Cloud spoke the past two weekends at Willow Creek Community Church on that topic. God’s will for your life–not my legislator.

He talked about finding your passion. Getting your passion aligned with your talents. That will be a hint about following God’s will for your life.

But you need discernment. Is this a real passion or a momentary infatuation? Does it match my talents and skills with passion for service? Can you visualize a beneficial outcome?

He talked of two builders. Each made a pile of money developing tracts of land, building houses, and selling them.

One was tired and burned out. He found it boring to do the same old thing over again–even if he did earn millions of dollars.

The other was energized. “I just love what I’m doing. I fly over the undeveloped tract of land and visualize houses and parks and families grilling and kids playing. I just love this.”

One found his passion. His heart was in it, and his heart was in a right relationship. He made a lot of money, but his heart was on helping others.

This one, no doubt, had found God’s will for his life. And many benefited. The other merely found a job he was good at.

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You Can’t Manage Change

August 6, 2015

Getting Things Done–it’s a book by David Allen and a method of organizing your thoughts, to-do lists, projects, plans. I am a GTDer.

He discusses a perennial hot topic in management circles and sometimes in personal development circles–management of change.

We are taught to “manage change.” Allen says in his recent monthly newsletter to subscribers that he always avoided that thought because he never really came to grips with it. Then he discovered his uncertainty with the concept. You can’t really manage change.

Change happens. Often you can’t anticipate it. Stuff comes at you suddenly from seemingly out of nowhere. You’re just cruising along and then something happens. The world is changing.

What we know is that we can manage albeit sometimes with great difficulty how we manage ourselves and our teams or family through the change.

This is especially important to recognize in our spiritual formation. We aren’t “unspiritual” just because change hits us. But working through change has the power to strengthen our spiritual life. There may be times when it doesn’t seem like it. But it does.

I have changed so much in my life that looking back it seems unreal. But each step was a growth. I removed myself–or got removed–from several situations that were either going nowhere or actually detrimental to my health.

Don’t get frustrated by trying to manage change. Manage yourself through the changes.

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Who Influences Your Mood?

July 16, 2015

Do you remember when Facebook researchers wanted to see if what you read in your “news” stream influences your mood?

They wanted to see what you posted after being exposed to either a stream of negative posts or a stream of positive posts. There was a huge uprising against their methodology–they essentially manipulated your news feed for research (not that they don’t manipulate it now).

They did find a correlation between what you were exposed to and what you posted.

Negative people can drag you down emotionally. Positive people build you up.

Both Paul and Proverbs warn us to be aware of whom we hang out with. Other people can influence us in ways we may not even realize.

Doesn’t it feel great to hang out with energetic, positive people? I was working at a coffee shop this morning and two women who exhibited those characteristics were involved in an animated conversation. I have no idea what they were discussing, but I think that they lifted my whole day. This was one of the most productive days I’ve had for a while.

This leads me to ponder two different things.

First–how do I become aware of the effect of someone? How quickly do I discern the attitude of the other? How quickly and decisively do I extract them from my life?

Second–how often am I the positive, energized person spreading light and energy to others? How often am I the doom-and-gloom person who drags people down? How quickly do I realize that in a conversation?

Perhaps a good practice would be to establish a trigger that makes us stop and consider our attitude and our words. We can modify them on the fly if we are only aware.

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Having Civil Discussions In A Church Setting

June 30, 2015

Someone says something in a church setting. Someone else gets upset. Angry even. Threatens to leave. Or, worse, starts spreading misinformation in an attempt to put the other at a disadvantage.

Or a church or non-profit organization beginning to discuss a business item. Emotions rise. Lines are drawn. Feelings are hurt. Totally lost in all the non-discussion is one of the last commands of Jesus to his followers–This is how they will know you, by your love.

I’m in the middle of reading a leadership and creativity book. More will come later. The book talks about the creativity process at Pixar studios. “In a healthy culture, all constituencies recognize the importance of balancing competing desires— they want to be heard, but they don’t have to win.”
People discussing in a healthy culture focus on the problem. Not on people. Not on theology or philosophy. The discussion is how do we fix what is broken, or how do we solve the problem. An attack on a person is quickly silenced.

Reading this book, Creativity, Inc., brought back memories of when Dave, Jane and I sat in the conference room in the 24th floor of the IBM building in Chicago discussing what a new magazine with the title, “Automation World” would be. The discussion often was loud and full of energy. The magazine developed from the discussions was born, grew, and led the industry for several years. 

Those discussions were all positive. We fed each other’s creativity.

Then we know of other types of people. They sit at the far corners of the conference room. They listen to enthusiastic people full of ideas. They like to shoot arrows at the ideas, and sometimes even at the person. From the book, “Negative feedback may be fun, but it is far less brave than endorsing something unproven and providing room for it to grow.”

I am by nature analytical. I can tell my level of engagement in the topic by my reactions. If I’m totally engaged, the N and P of the Myers-Briggs comes out, and I can bat ideas around with the rest. If I am less engaged, then the T part shows itself and I instinctively analyze and then look for holes in the argument.

I have to intentionally catch myself and change my thinking in these situations. 

In many meetings I’ve endured, my wish was for others to do the same!

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I Too Am A Sinner

June 29, 2015

Reading my Facebook “news” stream is a trip into a world of bitterness, hate, and cynicism.

Not everyone, of course, is this way. But most of the Americans are. Interestingly none of my European, Middle Eastern, or Latin American friends.

The attitude I continually perceive is “I’m right, and you’re wrong.” 

Reading in the sayings of the Desert Fathers, those early Christians (not all men, by the way) who dedicated their lives to the pursuit of living holy lives continually aware of how they fell short. The communities sprang up in the late 100s and survived until the 400s AD (or CE to the modern historians).

Their sayings should be read annually along with Proverbs to remind us of how to live.

It is said that a priest ordered a brother who sinned to leave the community. Abbot Bessarian also got up to leave, saying “I, too, am a sinner.”

When a brother praised another brother to Abbot Poeman saying he hated evil, the Abbot asked what he meant by hating sin. Confused, the brother asked for guidance. “That man hates evil who hates his own sins, and looks upon every brother as a saint and loves him as a saint.”

Someone posting such negative things will back down when called out on it. But calling people out for their hypocrisy is the job of a prophet. Prophets are usually killed. 

When we find we have this spirit of bitterness, hate, cynicism, or self-righteousness, we need to be open to the correction of the spirit who will remind us that we, too, are sinners. In a perfect world, none of us is perfect.

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Distraction Blocks The Heart

June 17, 2015

A brother came to visit Abb Sylvanus at Mt. Sinai. When he saw the brothers working hard, he said to the old man: “Do not work for food that perishes, for Mary has chosen the good part.”
The brother was shown to a cell, and when the time had passed for the meal, he came out and asked the father if the monks had eaten. “Of course we did,” was the reply. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“You are a spiritual person, and do not need that type of food; but since we are earthly, we want to eat, and that’s why we work. Indeed, you have chosen the good part reading all day long, and not wanting to eat earthly food.”
The brother heard these words and repented. (from the Sayings of the Desert Fathers as told in The Celtic Prayer Book.)

Some time ago, I taught on the story of Martha and Mary. My friend wrote to say she hated that story because pastors taught from the point of view of that brother. Surely, she wrote, they all ate the food that Martha prepared.

Yes, they did. With great appreciation, I’m sure.

One thing that disturbs me about modern America concerns the large number of uneducated people running around with university degrees–indeed, even advanced degrees.

Any reading of the story must assuredly come to the point that Jesus said, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things.” What’s the key concern? Worry and distraction.

Have you ever attended a family gathering or a dinner party where the hostess has prepared a great meal, and yet, she is focused on serving the guests? She involves people, sometimes, in the preparation and setting out. She makes time to acknowledge everyone.

Martha lost her focus. On the other hand, the brother in the story above thought of himself as superior. “I’m spiritual; you’re not.” He is Mary gone bad.

Both attitudes detract from our spiritual formation. We work, we serve, we do it all focused on what is important. The people I met last week doing business as mission know the meaning of work as service. They are not worried and distracted by many things. They are working and serving with the right attitude. A great example.

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Every Day Is a New Day

June 10, 2015

She wakes up in the morning already tired. The cares of yesterday already dragging her energy. One day just proceeds in dreary succession after the previous.

We have been there. We lose hope for anything better. God? We used to be aware of his presence.

A saying of a Desert Father who said that every  single day he made a fresh beginning.

How can we break that cycle of despair and make a fresh beginning of each day? We still have those old problems.

One thing we can do is breathe. In the Greek (actually as in other languages) the word for breath is either the same or similar for spirit. Ancient people have consistently paired intentional breathing with inculcation of the spirit.

We arise early. it is a dicsipline–also can be made a habit. 

We find our favorite chair or maybe floor pillow. We sit. Breathe. Deeply inhale. Slowly exhale. We focus our mind on our breath. We relax.

That is one way to begin a morning fresh.

Then we can read. Read in the Bible. Read a devotional book. Read a motivational book. Something for the restoration of the soul and nourishment of the mind.

With the perspective we gain, we can look at yesterdays problems with fresh eyes. We can look at what we can change and what we can ignore and what we can live with.

Every single day we can make a fresh beginning.

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From Optimism To Disillusionment

June 9, 2015

The Stages of a Project:

  • Enthusiasm,
  • Disillusionment
  • Panic and hysteria
  • Hunt for the guilty
  • Punishment of the innocent
  • Reward for the uninvolved.

All of us who have done project work have seen a variation of this joke. Unfortunately, many of us have seen some variation of this in real life. We thought this was a modern thing.

In the sayings of the Desert Fathers, an Elder used to say:

In the beginning when we got together we used to talk about something that was good for our own souls, and we went up and up, and ascended even to heaven.
But now we get together and spend our time in criticizing everything and we drag one another down into the abyss.

How often do we do this? We join an organization. We start a new company, committee, church, project full of enthusiasm. Then someone starts criticizing. Something about criticizing causes it to spread like an invasive weed.

How often I have witnessed its destructive force on people and organizations.

How often I have caught myself crossing the line from analysis to criticism only to say to myself, “Fool, what have you just said?”

There exist at least two problems. One is leadership. Somewhere the leader lost focus or allowed the group to lose focus of the vision. The other that it is easier to criticize than create.

We run into an obstacle–that fearful thing that happens when we take our eye off our goal according to Henry Ford–and instead of saying this is a problem where we need to find a solution we throw our hands up in dismay and wail and cry and criticize.

Those whom you gather around you are important to your own well being. Gather those who talk about something good for your souls. Leave as quickly and decisively as possible those who spend time criticizing.

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What If I Change My Mind

June 4, 2015

But, what if I change my mind?

The flight attendent last night asked the mandatory question of those in the exit row of the airplane. The guy beside me said yes, as we all did because we wanted the extra leg room. Then he said, “But what if I change my mind?”

He was joking, but I found the question appealing.

Now, I am not going to touch the Baptist’s “once saved always saved” doctrine.

But what if we changed our mind?

“OK, God, you win.” Followed by, “What you are asking me to do is too tough. What if I change my mind?”

Or, change the other way. Moses thought he’d defend his fellow Hebrews, then changed his mind and fled to the wilderness. Then God changed his mind–with much reluctance on Moses’ part–but now Moses grew into the role.

Or Jeremiah. God asked him to speak, much like he asked Moses to speak. Jeremiah protested. God put the pressure on. Jeremiah changed his mind.

Elijah? God put the pressure on, and he changed his mind.

Paul the Apostle? Same deal. I believe this, oops, excuse me, I changed my mind, now I believe this.

I bet there is a book lurking in this phrase.

Where do we need to change our minds today?

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