Archive for the ‘Attitude’ Category

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Why Are We So Offended?

August 18, 2016

Why are we so offended? Constantly, it seems. Do we go out of our way to seek offensive people or  statements?

Many people seem to think that everyone should be just like them. If they aren’t, these people are offended. And they voice it in their little groups. And complain.

Everyone to whom Paul  wrote (actually Peter, John, James, Luke, too) lived in a society where some of the most offensive practices were carried out openly. They wrote to help people live a good life amongst all of that.

I wonder at times whether we are so thin-skinned that any remark sets us off. Are we possessed of so little faith that it can be shaken by a remark? Or an act by someone?

That is why we practice spiritual disciplines. Constantly refreshing our minds with the proper thoughts and centered on God, helps us grow in faith and confidence.

Confidence–there’s a word that Paul frequently uses that is seldom heard. Can we move forward confident of the triumph of Go?

Offended? Maybe by living a life that is so enticing to others, we can show a better way. We turn being offended into an excuse to help someone grow.

That would be cool.

 

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To See Ourselves

July 27, 2016

I interviewed a man recently for a project I’m working on recently. He said, “You are always smiling and upbeat. I can’t even imagine you angry.”

It’s one of those moments when we get jarred out of our self-absorption and think about how others watch us, evaluate us, consider us.

What sort of image do you wish to project? Angry white man? Anxious mother? Bitter, negative?

Many times when I stop and consider how I looked to others in the past, I’m embarrassed. And, I have much to be embarrassed about.

I think about poor Peter, the apostle. He had one of those experiences where you are consciously outside your body looking at yourself. It was in the courtyard during Jesus’ trials. The third time he denied Jesus the cock crowed and he saw himself and was ashamed.

Seeing ourselves in the situation can get us out of situations.

Say we are standing in a queue. Maybe it’s for customer service. I see it often in airports. Could be somewhere else–the coffee shop, the grocery. Some obnoxious person is arguing with the employee. Getting nowhere, of course. We see ourselves in that situation and think, we don’t want to look like that. We put on a smile and treat the person kindly. Thank you Jesus for letting us get a glimpse of how we could look and changing before we have something else to be embarrassed about.

It’s not that I don’t have my moments. Last night at a busy intersection–lots of pedestrians–I was waiting for the crosswalk to clear before making a right turn (British readers must picture this in reverse, of course). Woman in a large SUV must have been in quite a hurry. She turned left in front of me with the crosswalk still full of people. Maybe I hit my horn button to alert her 😉 . I can get annoyed.

Anyway, after talking about Mr. Negative yesterday, I’m relieved to know that somehow my life has been molded so that I’m not that way.

And it’s not too late for you no matter what your age. God gave you consciousness and the power to choose. Peter reshaped his life and became a courageous and respected leader. You can become a better you.

 

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Are You Optimistic or Is Everything Going to Hell?

July 26, 2016

How are you this morning, I innocently ask a guy in the locker room at the gym.

“My back hurts. The doctor screwed up my feet; now I have trouble walking. They can’t put in a lap lane in the swimming pool during that senior water work out class. The new shower heads are worse than the last ones.”

Gee, thanks for uplifting my day…

I had just read an article written by the guy who developed Nozbe, the productivity application that I use. The article was about optimism.

Michael Sliwinski has to be the most optimistic person I know. Seven or eight years ago I wrote about Getting Things Done, David Allen’s productivity method. Sliwinski had written an application and was now CEO of a small company selling the app. He wrote to me. Said he had a better productivity app.

I bought it a few months later. Been using it ever since.

He writes, “Optimism and the courage it fosters are the secret weapons of any entrepreneur. The ability to see the bright side in difficult situations and even the most miserable failures can provide important lessons for the future, and this differentiates successful people from others. Not huge successes, like piles of gold and fame, but also small victories that help develop what you’ve started without giving up.”

Continuing, he writes, “With a positive attitude it’s easier to get out of bed in the morning, it takes less effort to accept a few extra hours of work or unforeseen problems and it’s easier to plan future objectives and undertakings.”

I agree with his observation that a positive attitude comes from inside. It is our attitude. We choose how we’re going to approach life.

Sliwinski concludes with a list of some small things that can help you become an optimist:

  • gratitude ritual – every morning I express thanks for three things or events which made me feel happy – it works;
  • sport, rest and a good diet – in a healthy body there’s a healthy mind – what’s else is there to say 🙂
  • waking early without hitting snooze and delaying the alarm – this simple habit connected with the first thing you do every morning will give each subsequent day the proper, energetic direction;
  • vision of the future – every once in a while spend some time painting a glorious vision of the future – dreams are the first step of every plan or venture;
  • passion – find your passion – it will give you wings, strength and patience;
  • surround yourself with positive people – keep pessimists, moaners and fault-finders at a distance or try to infect them with your optimism 🙂

Couldn’t have said it better–so I just copied and passed along. Have a beautiful and optimistic day.

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Just Me First, Alone

June 14, 2016

I’ll never learn to be just me first, by myself. — Carly Simon

There was a young man. He had never seen a picture of himself. Obviously this story takes place long before selfies when we broadcast our pictures to the world ad nauseam. But really, he had never seen himself. Then, looking into a still pond, he saw a young man so beautiful that he had to meet him. He could not, of course. He fell in love with his own reflection. His love for himself killed him. His name was Narcissus.

I guess this selfie craze reveals much about us at this time. Of course, it’s partly because it’s new technology. But, do you know anyone who seems overboard with pictures of themselves, by themselves?

Have you ever been around someone who talks on and on about themselves and the people and events that affect them? You try to interject–even just words of understanding or acknowledgement–and then realize that they aren’t listening to you. They are wrapped up in themselves.

Have you ever been in a group when two or more talk about themselves and their lives–at the same time? And they don’t seem to notice that no one is listening?

None of us lives to ourselves alone. — Paul, Romans 14:7

The ancient Greeks were excellent observers of personality types. The myth of Narcissus lent the name to a current personality disorder–Narcissism. Popularly, the term broadens to those who perhaps don’t qualify for diagnosis but are still annoying.

Paul, no stranger to those Greek myths himself, knew that there is a danger lurking in the depths of our hearts when we focus too much on ourselves.

He was teaching us at that point in Romans after he had built up the argument to the introduction of grace and then answered the question, “So, what?” His teaching was that now that we are living in grace, we don’t live for ourselves. We live for God. We also live for others–look at his words of having empathy for others in the same chapter.

Paul never stopped with the self-centered thought–It’s all about me and my salvation. That was only the beginning. Life is what happens next. And that is about how you love and serve others.

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When You Stop Trying So Hard

May 27, 2016

“Stop trying, relax, and just slip into the pose.”

There are Yoga poses that just don’t work well when you try to force your way into them. Then you just relax, especially your abs, and just ease into the pose.

Try this. No, really, try it. Stand up. Keeping your back as straight as possible, bend over and touch your toes (or shins, or knees, or thighs…).

Now back at the standing position, relax your mid-section. Consciously. Maybe think about bringing your belly button back to your spine. Now try it. Don’t force it. Just bend.

(Honestly, all this came to me last night when I was talking the class into one of those forward bend poses that seem to stretch everything.)

I’ve been spending a lot of time with Matthew 5, 6, 7. This includes the Sermon on the Mount. Remember how Jesus concludes? “Be perfect just as your Father is perfect.”

Now, think about the group of people Jesus continually sparred with–the Pharisees. How did they try to be “perfect just as your Father is perfect”? They tried…hard. They built rules on top of rules to explain how to live in every situation in every minute of every day. It was a full-time job just working hard to be perfect.

Then Jesus comes along. He reinterprets all the laws making them impossible to achieve. Then he says, be perfect. Hold on there, partner. Perfect? Impossible!

Yes, that’s the point. You don’t get to a relationship with God by your hard work at being perfect. Stop trying so hard. Relax. Then turn your attention to God and let God do the work.

Like Yogi Berra supposedly said, “You can hear a lot just by listening.” Just by slowing down and ceasing the impossible task of trying to be perfect, we open a space for God to actually come in. And, since our focus is off ourselves, now we can hear God. And respond.

And we’ll be perfect enough.

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All God’s Children

May 17, 2016

“Your wife told me that you’ve been to Germany recently,” the older guy said to me at the gym. He came closer obviously wanting to make a point.

“Did you see a lot of those Muslims there?” he asked in a confidential whisper. “You know they are everywhere over there. The people hate Merkel for letting them in. They don’t assimilate like other people. They just keep to their own communities.”

When you grow up in a white-only area of a southern California city and then move to a rural area where total “non-white” population is less than 8%, I guess you form weird ideas about people. Add in that his only source of news is Fox…

I’m white, I suppose. Grew up and still live in the area. People always assume I share the same beliefs. But I went wrong somewhere. Traveled extensively. Did business around the world for the past 35 years. And maybe I took the New Testament teachings more seriously than most. (By the way, not all people in west central Ohio share that guy’s belief. Many do, though.)

Thoughts of poor Peter right after Jesus’ resurrection flashed through my mind. A gentile named Cornelius had a crisis–a crisis of health and a spiritual crisis he didn’t even realize at first. Peter was called.

Now Jews didn’t assimilate into the broader Greco-Roman culture. Peter was forbidden by his law from going into Cornelius’ house. From eating his food. From having any more to do with him than business.

But Cornelius had a problem and Peter had the solution. God had been whispering (maybe even shouting) to Peter to prepare him for this occasion. Peter sucked it up, went in, healed, shared the good news of Jesus’ resurrection, converted the entire household.

Peter finally experienced the power of the gospel. It is for all God’s children. God loves every human being and wants to draw them all to him. The New Testament, as much as many wish, is not full of doctrine and theology. It is full of the need of all of us for grace and God’s wish to extend it to us.

Back to my acquaintance at the gym. I burst his bubble. At least a little one.

“No,” I said, “I didn’t see many Muslims. But I have many Muslims as friends. They are all great people. There will be several posts a day in my Facebook feed in Arabic.”

Not willing to leave well enough alone, “Be careful what you trust as far as news on TV. They manipulate pictures to show things as more dramatic or worse than they are for effect. Remember, they aren’t bringing news. They are selling ads.”

And I leave that for you. Be careful what you allow to fill your mind. Are you in a vicious circle of negativity? Are you filling it with God’s word so that when an opportunity arises you can respond appropriately?

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Grace Under Pressure

May 16, 2016

Grace under pressure was truth in Ernest Hemmingway’s writing.

Sometimes we don’t face the challenges that a novelist will place a character in a story. But in our own way, we have to face the pressure frequently.

I was director of referees for youth soccer tournaments two straight weekends. I lived with the pressure of returning from a week in Germany facing assigning referees to appropriate games and recruiting more referees.

Friday late afternoon sipping a blended latte in my favorite coffee shop reflecting on getting the job done for this weekend’s tournament, I was relaxed and ready to go.

Checked emails. “Gary, we had 2″ of rain Thursday. Most of our fields are unplayable. We are marking out new fields, but we won’t have as many. Rescheduling all the games now.”

That meant that when the tournament director’s team finished figuring out all this, I had to go back and reassign all the referees. We had as many games in two fewer fields.

I sent an email to all the referees–prepare for schedule changes. Somewhere around 8:30 pm I was notified the schedule was complete. Somewhere around 11 pm I finished the last of the assignments.

Same thing Saturday. They decided in the afternoon that despite 30mph winds all day, the ground had not dried enough. Saturday night–schedule finished about 9, I finished about 11.

The the tournament committee (well Caleb and Chris) figured out how to do the schedule. That is a tough job. Then I started on the referee assignments.

It’s amazing. 50 or more referees. Not a one (well, there was one guy, but he’s an exception in every sense) came to me arguing or complaining. I obviously made mistakes. Guys were booked on two different fields at the same time. One guy was booked for two games at the same time–on the same field.

Everyone handled it.

You learn–faced with a challenge, there is no good to be gained from exploding. You face a big task with a crushing deadline, sign, then just go to work. One game at a time. Guys remarked how calm I was. (So were the other leaders, but they didn’t know them.) I’ve been in the situation.

When you are faced with a changed situation, the only true response it to change your attitude and respond with grace.

I saw 50-60 people do that this weekend. It’s a marvelous thing. And 1,400 kids got to play all their games and have a blast.

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Where’s Your Heart Today

May 2, 2016

We had lunch yesterday with a couple who have devoted more than 20 years of their lives to mission work in West Africa. Charley teaches Old Testament to pastors in Senegal and the Ivory Coast. I really like the idea of helping local people grow and pastor and teach their neighbors.

The life of such a missionary is a rhythm. Go and serve. Return to the home country to refresh, renew acquaintances, and raise money for their support. They live from donations. It’s not an easy life, but with the right personality, it’s a good life.

This is one way of living out the last commandment of Jesus to his followers, “Go out to all the world teaching and making disciples…”

Do you support any missionaries?

A friend who has tried being a missionary has found that people over the past few years have become more and more unwilling to support missionaries. Churches are more inclined to look inward and spend money on their own wants and needs.

My wife and I send support to a number of ministries. We actually have organized our finances such that we can tithe to the local church and give offerings to ministries and causes that touch us. For you, maybe you count all the various groups as parts of your tithe.

It’s all where your heart is. Maybe you do it out of a sense of duty instilled at an early age. Maybe you’re a generous person as part of your natural personality. Maybe you’ve learned to become more and more generous.

Check out your own finances. If you are using close to 100% just to fund your own needs, maybe that means your heart is focused upon yourself. Taken to a place of dominating your personality, that’s called narcissism.

If so, consider the 80-10-10 guide to finances. When money comes in, set aside 10% for your church and charitable giving; set aside 10% for your future in savings; live on 80%. As you become better at this, you will find that you can live on less than 80% and give more. That is the point when your heart is changed.

Check out your church’s finances. Study the financial report. If your church has budgeted less than 25% of its budget to intentional giving outside its doors, then it is NOT a missional church–no matter what it tells itself.

Go check in with your spiritual cardiologist and seek the status of your heart.

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Other People Are Not Always What We Think

April 27, 2016

When you know someone well, you get a picture in your mind about their overall life attitudes and ethics. Sometimes we are surprised when someone we thought we knew does something out of character, but usually when we know someone, we can predict their behavior.

When we don’t really know other people but think we do, we can be completely wrong.

Some people in the US have a picture of what a Christian looks like, thinks like, acts like, and so forth. Then they read something about Europe, for example, and form an opinion about Europeans. I’ve seen the same attitudes directed toward people of other areas in the world, as well.

If you ask around the rural American Midwest, the picture that you form about Europeans would be that they have loose morals, open sex, much drinking, no religion.

While that would not be every person in the Midwest, of course, you’d find enough to paint the picture.

I’m in Europe while writing this after having dinner last night with several Germans and a Dutch guy.

While by and large Europeans do not have the same view of religion as my neighbors, I for one am not ready to pronounce judgement on them.

Regarding personal morality, I have found every person I’ve met over the past 30 years of traveling over here to have the highest. You, my Midwest readers, may have heard about Amsterdam and other European cities where prostitution is somewhat open–that is, not hidden in truck stops and alleys like in America. That does not mean that every European man visits them.

Let’s take the thought of assumption to another level. Think of the rich young man’s encounter with Jesus. The man was obedient to God. He followed the laws. Jesus loved him. Yet, he went away sad when Jesus told him that to inherit eternal life he must give away all his possessions to the poor and follow.

Have you speculated on that man? Come to any conclusions? That is hard to do. We hear rich and paint a picture of a certain sort of man. But maybe that painting is wrong.

I think the reason for the story is not to point to the young man and allow us to speculate about other people. I think we are to take this story to ourselves. What are we willing to give up that gets in the way of our following Jesus?

Our job is not to assume what other people are like. Our job is to get ourselves right. Then we can meet other people with openness and sensitivity.

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Attitude Plus Action

April 20, 2016

When your mother repeated something, you knew that she meant for you to realize it was more than a comment. She was emphasizing a point you were supposed to remember.

I’ve been reading Matthew looking at just Jesus’ words. What did Matthew report that Jesus actually said. I discovered that reading chapters 4-7 regularly will keep us grounded in the teaching.

Yesterday, I noticed a phrase repeated. It was from Hosea 6–“God desires mercy not sacrifice.”

This must be important.

Sacrifice referred to the Jewish religious practice of going to the Temple and offering an animal to be killed in your name for the forgiveness of your sin. Of course, a business developed around the practice when businessmen figured out that pilgrims had a difficult time bringing their own dove or lamb or whatever. So they sold them in the courtyard of the Temple–convenience at a price. We know that drill today.

That practice is just one of many that grew up more focused on the ritual or the practice (we call it “works”) than on having a right attitude toward God.

So then I thought about the word mercy. When I considered all the teachings of Jesus I had just immersed in, I realized it was about attitude. It concerned the condition of my heart. It was existing in a state of loving God and loving my neighbor.

Sacrifice = ritual + law

Mercy = attitude + action

I realized once again how concerned Jesus was about the status of our hearts. And that contemplation and study are merely the foundation for getting up and serving and teaching.

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