Yesterday’s thought concerned how my job consists not of running around trying to “correct” everyone whose opinions were “wrong.” Rather, my job assigned by Jesus is to love others, even those who think and act differently from me.
This reminded me of one of my favorite TV scenes. Ted Lasso, the American Midwestern football coach, finds himself in England as coach of a Premier League soccer club. The wife gained possession of the club through a divorce from a rather nasty guy—Rupert.
The scene is the favorite club pub. Ted handles some darts. “You all like this game over here, don’t you?” he says as he tosses a couple of the darts at the board—right-handed. He and Rupert settle on a bet with major consequences for the club.
“Oh, I forgot, I’m left-handed,” admits Ted. They proceed to the climax where Ted needs three perfect throws. He tells a story of being underestimated his whole life and seeing a quote while taking his son to school—“Be curious, not judgmental.”
He hits the first one. “You see, if you’d been curious rather than judgmental, you’d have asked if I’d ever played darts before.”
“I would have said, ‘Yes, sir. Every Sunday afternoon with my dad from age 10 to 16…’ “
Research reveals the best approach to those potentially confrontational conversations is to be curious, not judgmental. Ask questions.
- How did you come to that conclusion?
- Where did you learn that?
- Why do you think that’s true (right, useful)?
- And more.
Curiosity, not judgmental, means truly listening to the person’s responses. You show concern and attempt at understanding. Questions asked calmly, not confrontationally. Do not sound like a defense attorney cross-examining a prosecution witness.
Be curious, not judgmental. That’s really hard for some of us. But exceptionally useful.
Enter email address on the right and click follow to receive updates via email. I will never spam you. I’m not in that business! Thank you. You can also check out my book list and my 10-part video series on Romans as a Guid to Spiritual Formation.
Faith Venture 
Leave a comment