Posts Tagged ‘Relationship’

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Speak Evil of Others

October 4, 2010

In yesterday’s class that I teach, we were looking at James where he says (after the teaching on curbing your tongue), “Do not speak evil of others.” Someone said, “But can you only speak evil about people you know?”

I’m not sure what she meant by that. Could it be that speaking of people you don’t know doesn’t count? I’m not sure. But I answered that it is easier to speak evil of others, precisely because you don’t know them. Although I’ve lived long enough to hear plenty of judging, put-downs, gossip, derogatory comments and the like directed at people the speaker does know.

But the Internet, email and the Web give us instant communications. We can connect with more people more rapidly with more misinformation than at any previous time in history. Therefore the hate emails that get blithely spread from so-called Christians full of untruths and exaggerations passed off as fact designed to get your emotions aroused against certain groups–usually gays or Muslims these days, but could be directed at anyone.

James had an answer to this human condition. It was to tame your tongue. Speak out of mercy, peace, truth, gentle without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy. I certainly have long tried to live up to this Christian ideal. I wish I could say I always succeeded.

God, I tame my tongue, help me when I fail.

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Rush to Judge Others

September 27, 2010

We live in a time, I don’t know, maybe like other times in human history, where people are so quick to judge others. I know Christians who perfectly know the mind of God and can point out exactly who is going to heaven and who isn’t. Of course, for them, the game played is about heaven. I’ll never forget a Mad Magazine cartoon from when I was a kid that talked about the first preacher who moved to Hartford, Conn. (then the capitol of the insurance industry) and sold “fire insurance.”

The book I’m currently studying is “The Imitation of Christ” by Thomas a Kempis. This contemplative from the Middle Ages wrote, “If a man would weigh his own deeds fully and rightly, he would find little cause to pass severe judgment on others.” These certainly reflect the voice of Jesus–speck in someone else’s eye, log in yours; he who is without sin cast the first stone.

If you spent more time in your morning prayers reflecting upon where you fall short and asking God for help, you would approach the day with an entirely different attitude than when you, like the Pharisee, begin the day with the prayer, “Thank you God for making me perfect.” When you look inside yourself and see the sin that lurks in both things you do and things you are capable of, you’ll understand why relationship with God through Jesus is key to salvation–not so much from the future hell but from the hell of today.

Why live bitter, resentful, judgmental? Why not live free to love God and love other humans? Throw off the chains of your limited, fearful view of God and enter into relationship with Him.

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Open Eyes to Dynamics of Life

September 25, 2010

Sorry not to post for a while. I had a thigh muscle pull bad enough to land me for an overnight stay in the hospital followed by a couple of weeks on a narcotic pain killer. While I realize there exists a minor literary tradition of writing on spiritual topics while on drugs, that’s not my style. On top of that, I had a magazine to get out (no rest when you publish monthly), a special project newspaper for a conference coming up next week, and then my long-time boss, mentor and friend passed away last Wednesday. It’s been a month that tries my balance, to say the least.

But a couple of weeks on your back give you time to contemplate. At the same time my wife was reading some of those hate emails that circulate the Internet. Me, I just delete unopened. She? She reads every one, to the bottom, then gets upset. I tell her that a good way to maintain emotional and intellectual balance is to pare out things from your life that unnecessarily cause distress. (There are life events, of course, that confront you that must be met, but that’s another matter.)

Back to my wife’s reading and the subject of my last post–like many people my age, I started meditating in the late 60s. I’ve explored paths, had experiences. I combine practice with reading. The thing that has consistently amazed me during my reading the ancient spiritual masters for 40 years is that they write very little about prayer or meditation techniques. They write about the person. Where do all the passions originate? How do you overcome them? How do you live your life? It’s not a method or a word to memorize. It’s all about how you live, where you focus.

So, I deal with many Christians who have memorized a few verses from the Bible. Some of them, though, when I observe how they live, how they interact with others, what their attitude toward others is, I wonder.

Allow me a metaphor. I am a soccer referee and instructor of referees. I’ve noticed two types of referees. One type is “book smart.” They are dissatisfied with anything less than 95% on any test we give. They know every law or rule and every interpretation–in their head. But, put them on the pitch (field) to actually do refereeing, they fail at any tough contest. Like life, soccer is a dynamic game. It has flows of activity. There are many nuances. Sometimes it’s a matter of perspective or flow of the game that determines what is a foul and what is called. A good referee at this higher level knows the written laws thoroughly. That is only the start. The key to success is to develop a feel for the game, relate to the players, move the game along within the boundaries.

Some Christian traditions have developed a formula: accept Christ + read Bible + attend church religiously = go to heaven. Oh, by the way, judge other people based upon what you’ve read and whether they agree with you. It’s the “know the law” type of religion. Sounds a little like the Pharisees to me.

There is another way, much more ancient than that, which says something like, recognize Jesus, develop a living relationship with God through Jesus, read the Bible to deepen your knowledge and follow the two commandments Jesus gave us–love God, love people. (Love as an action verb, not an emotion.) That’s my tradition. I wish I could do it as well as I can say it.

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Balance Needs Focus

August 13, 2010

Yoga is a discipline of bringing body, mind and spirit together. Psychologists, even those who observed humans 5,000 years ago, know that one sign of illness is when your emotions, mind, body are out of balance and working at cross purposes. One classic Yoga pose that is often the picture used when someone discusses it is called tree pose. This is a balance pose where you stand on one leg, the foot “rooted” to the ground. The other foot is placed on the inner thigh of the “trunk.” The hands are above the head with palms together.

I try to hold this pose for at least 10 breaths. What you discover is that the trick is not balance, per se, but focus. You must clear your mind, focus your eyes on a stable object then concentrate on your breathing.

I’ve been writing a lot about focus lately, because I’ve discovered it is key to a spiritual life. My study of Mark has reached the last 3 chapters where Mark tells the story of Jesus’ last couple of days on earth as a human. I’ve been contrasting Jesus (our model) with Peter (someone with whom we can identify).

Except for the interesting story about his cursing the fig tree, Jesus faced his coming trials and knowledge that his friends would desert him with tremendous focus and balance. His stable object of focus was God. He never wavered from his life with his father. And he kept his balance. Whether being grilled by the ruling council of his religion or by civil authorities with the power to kill him, he was a model of balance. He did not lash out at his accusers–even though the accusations were not true and even contradictory.

Peter, on the other hand, lost it. His emotions swung from blustery “I’ll never desert you” to “I never knew that man.” He lost his focus out of fear. But do not condemn him. Can you say that you have Jesus’ perfect courage? Look inside yourself. What would you have really done in his place? Stand up in the face of the crowd and be killed, too?

Then Peter came to self-realization. He saw into his own mind, body and spirit. He wept. This was a moment of realization. You cannot truly live with God until you realize deeply that you don’t have that focus on God. We also know the rest of the story. Jesus said he would go ahead of them to Galilee after he was raised from the dead. He did. And he met Peter. And he blessed Peter three times to counter the three denials. And Peter realized his focus, his strength, and his balance. And he became a great leader.

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Defend Yourself

August 10, 2010

How do you defend your positions? When someone confronts you with a false accusation or with an argument that is counter to everything you believe in, how do you react? Are you defensive? Do you attack the person? Do you lead with phrases that include “you”? Does your defensiveness or insecurity result in angry responses?

What if your life were on the line? You were wrongly accused, and if you can’t defend yourself adequately, you’ll die?

Watch how Jesus handles himself in his final days. He showed some irritability (cursing the fig tree), and he showed anguish. But mostly he was calm, self-composed, self-assured. He quietly answered questions, but with confidence and courage. He didn’t back down. He didn’t speak evil of his accusers. He even reached out to others (the criminal on the cross). In fact, he was still teaching.

What a role model. When confronted, maintain your poise. Be assured in your relationship with God. Answer with civility and gentleness all the while being firm and confident. Wish I could always be that way.

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Following the Law

July 23, 2010

You are driving. Ack, there’s a policeman ahead. Am I driving too fast? Am I properly in my lane? Did I just signal the lane change? Is there some other law that I’ve forgotten that I probably broke?

Same feelings of guilt and anxiety can occur in church. Ack, there’s the pastor coming. Did I give to the offering last week? Did I say something to someone that will come back at me? Did I do something wrong? Shoot, I missed two services last month.

Moses received 10 commandments from God. Before he died, he turned the 10 into many more. By the time of Jesus, generations of religious leaders continued to add to the 10. They needed lots of laws to “explain” the 10. A whole profession grew up–the scribes–to record and interpret all these laws. Pretty much like our courts and lawyers. But these were religious laws–all meant to show you how to get right with God.

Then Jesus came. He taught that the scribes and Pharisees used the laws to put a burden on people. These laws actually came between people and God–and put the scribes in a position of power over people.

So, in the Temple during Jesus’ last week, he and the scribes and religious leaders engaged in verbal sparring over theology. Finally one scribe asks, “What is the greatest commandment?” What is the one thing you should do above all else?

Jesus replies with the “shema”–“The first is, ‘Hear O Israel: the Lord our God, the Lord is one; you shall love the Lord you God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

The scribe replied that Jesus was right. Jesus replied that the scribe was not far from the kingdom of God with his understanding.

Jesus says, when you’re feeling burdened, overwhelmed, anxious about meeting the obligations of the church, remember there are two basic things you need to do and the rest will take care of themselves. And remember, love is an action verb. It’s not an emotion. You love God by studying, communicating and witnessing. You love others by doing things to help them. If you are doing this, then there is nothing to worry about regarding your being right with God.

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When you are stressed

July 16, 2010

How do you react when you’re stressed? I tend to get snippy with people. Some people probably withdraw. Some react with anger. Did you ever think of it? The first step to controlling yourself is learning how you react in situations. Next you learn to watch yourself and see when you are doing it.

Jesus had to be stressed. His ministry had finally brought him to Jerusalem. He knew that ahead of him were confrontations with religious authorities, trials and death. As a youth, he had been trained by these authorities. Somewhere along the way as a young man, he saw God’s true wishes. He came to oppose the religious establishment.

At any rate, he had made his first entry into Jerusalem and checked things out. Then he was going to a small town outside the city for the night. He saw a fig tree in leaf. It shouldn’t have been–it wasn’t fig season. Who knows. Maybe he felt a sudden hunger for figs and maybe thought that God had provided. Whatever, he saw the tree and went over to it. But it had no fruit. He was stressed, now he was disappointed. He reacted probably like we would have. He cursed the tree–“may you never bear fruit.”

The next day on the way back to Jerusalem, his companions noticed that that fig tree was dying. They pointed it out to Jesus. He always used incidents as teaching opportunities. So, he didn’t explain why he did it. He just said that we, too, could do things if we pray. We could cause mountains to move if we should but pray to God.

Then there is an added paragraph. Seems like a non sequitur. First forgive others, then seek forgiveness, then with a clear conscience you can pray.

Seems like a long explanation from being stressed. But recognizing your situation, clearing your conscience so you have nothing between you and God, then going into conversation with God takes you into a new state of being. You overcome the stress–or whatever else in concerning you–and you can re-establish your direct link to God and find peace.

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Get in the flow of the Spirit

June 26, 2010

People seem to like lists. And lists of rules. You probably grew up with them–after all that’s much of what school is about. Teachers make up rules. Students follow them. Teachers have a list of things students must learn, students follow them. We’ve probably all lived through this experience.

Think of the organizational problem confronting Moses when he led the Hebrews from Egypt. I don’t know how many people there were, but surely the size of a medium sized city today. They had no organization, maybe just some informal leaders from their days in Egypt. They were in a hostile land. They had to organize both civilly (judges, police, ward leaders, and so on) and religiously. After all this situation came about because these people were all descendants of Abraham. They belonged to the same tribe and were supposed to be following the God of Abraham. I suppose that even after all the years in Egypt, they still had tribal identity. No mention is made of priestly leadership, or if there were religious traditions handed down.

Moses was spiritual and talked with God. And God talked to Moses. And Moses listened. But what about the rest of the people? They were afraid to talk with God. Moses scared them because he talked with God. So, God gave Moses a list of rules beginning with the Ten Commandments to guide the people. No doubt God would have preferred that everyone talk with Him, but they were afraid.

We have stories of ancient people. But the stories seem modern as they describe humans. We still have people who talk with God and people who need rules. Trouble is there just can’t be a law that covers every little situation that you might run across. If there were, there would be so many that you couldn’t remember them anyway. Then, laws need lawyers to interpret them. And as you all remember from school, laws also separate people into groups according to which laws you break–or the kind of people that don’t break laws (at least not publicly). Comparison breeds the idea that some are better than others. I can point to someone else and compare.

But Jesus didn’t do that. He said we should live in relationship to God and then in relationship with others. The relationship with others is determined by our relationship with God. You don’t need a list of rules if your behavior is guided by the Spirit. When you are living with God, you just go with the flow of the Spirit and do the right thing. When something interferes with that flow (sin), then you can tell it. Those are the times you feel guilty or ashamed of the way you act.

So, get with the flow of the Spirit. Break the tyranny of rules. Jesus sets you free to live with God without worry.

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It’s about relationship not rules

June 25, 2010

What’s legal? I’m a soccer referee and an instructor of the Laws of the Game. Once I was asked to give a presentation on the game and it’s laws to a high school team and their parents. It was a new program, and no one knew very much about the game other than you ran around and kicked a ball. As I explained fouls, they asked, “How far can I go before it’s a foul?” In other words, “What can I get away with?”

The Pharisees (lawyers, experts in the law), asked Jesus, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” There are two aspects to this question. First, they were like the advisory board of a graduate student which asks the student many questions to see if the student knows the material. Second, they wanted to know, “What can we get away with?”

Jesus replied that you should not get a divorce. That Moses only set up the law that made divorce legal because people were not open to living with God (I’m paraphrasing, of course, the text says “hearts were hardened). He’s calling them out as people who think they don’t need God. Once upon a time, God spoke to Moses. From Moses descended a tradition that tried to make a law or rule that covered every aspect of your life. And if you followed those rules to the letter, then you were living a Godly life. And, if by chance–or planning, you were able to come out better for yourself, then so much the better.

When I teach this passage to people even today with certain personal tendencies to like rules, they immediately say that Jesus promulgated a new rule. You can’t divorce–period. But they forget, Jesus didn’t come to set rules. He said that. There are really only two–you are to love God and love your neighbor. These are relationship rules.

Let’s go back to what he said the reason for the rule was–the people’s hearts were hard. They couldn’t live in relationship with God. They were like small children still being trained by the father. Jesus brought an adult message. Grow up. Develop a deep relationship with God. Then develop a God-like behavior and attitude toward other people. If you have such a relationship, you don’t need the rules. You’ll do what’s right naturally.

I’m sure Jesus would love the woman who is being physically abused by her husband. If he were present, he’d heal the husband of the devils within him that drive him to be abusive. Otherwise, if she needs to escape to protect herself and her children, I can’t believe that Jesus would condemn her. Or for the man whose wife runs away. But in the ways of this world (almost globally, not just in the US) where marriage is selfish and not a committed relationship–I’m sure Jesus weeps over that rejection of God.

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