Posts Tagged ‘lifestyle’

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It’s about relationship not rules

June 25, 2010

What’s legal? I’m a soccer referee and an instructor of the Laws of the Game. Once I was asked to give a presentation on the game and it’s laws to a high school team and their parents. It was a new program, and no one knew very much about the game other than you ran around and kicked a ball. As I explained fouls, they asked, “How far can I go before it’s a foul?” In other words, “What can I get away with?”

The Pharisees (lawyers, experts in the law), asked Jesus, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” There are two aspects to this question. First, they were like the advisory board of a graduate student which asks the student many questions to see if the student knows the material. Second, they wanted to know, “What can we get away with?”

Jesus replied that you should not get a divorce. That Moses only set up the law that made divorce legal because people were not open to living with God (I’m paraphrasing, of course, the text says “hearts were hardened). He’s calling them out as people who think they don’t need God. Once upon a time, God spoke to Moses. From Moses descended a tradition that tried to make a law or rule that covered every aspect of your life. And if you followed those rules to the letter, then you were living a Godly life. And, if by chance–or planning, you were able to come out better for yourself, then so much the better.

When I teach this passage to people even today with certain personal tendencies to like rules, they immediately say that Jesus promulgated a new rule. You can’t divorce–period. But they forget, Jesus didn’t come to set rules. He said that. There are really only two–you are to love God and love your neighbor. These are relationship rules.

Let’s go back to what he said the reason for the rule was–the people’s hearts were hard. They couldn’t live in relationship with God. They were like small children still being trained by the father. Jesus brought an adult message. Grow up. Develop a deep relationship with God. Then develop a God-like behavior and attitude toward other people. If you have such a relationship, you don’t need the rules. You’ll do what’s right naturally.

I’m sure Jesus would love the woman who is being physically abused by her husband. If he were present, he’d heal the husband of the devils within him that drive him to be abusive. Otherwise, if she needs to escape to protect herself and her children, I can’t believe that Jesus would condemn her. Or for the man whose wife runs away. But in the ways of this world (almost globally, not just in the US) where marriage is selfish and not a committed relationship–I’m sure Jesus weeps over that rejection of God.

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Where to focus

June 21, 2010

I used to have to pass running tests to maintain my grades and certifications as a soccer referee. First you ran a distance within a certain time limit, then you ran sprints. It sort of simulated how well you could run at the end of a match. Since I really don’t like distance running (even the short 1.5 miles of the standard test), I think about how to do the run. Every morning when I face the 3.5 miles at the park, I can’t think about the end. I have to think about one step at a time. Otherwise I wear myself out. Sprints, on the other hand, especially the shorter 40 or 50 meter ones, entail focus on the finish line. I just start as quickly as possible and try to keep going faster until the end. 200 meters is about where I can see the goal but emphasize the stride.

Putting this is the context of patience (and perhaps adding perseverance–the ability to keep going even when you’re tired), sometimes life is like the distance run. You know there is a goal ahead, but you need to focus on a day at a time. The Buddhists have a phrase, “Wherever I go, there I am.” Jesus also said to not be worried about the past or the future. Just live in the moment. And be there in the moment.

Jesus tried to teach us–don’t be burdened down worrying about all the rules of the Pharisees (and the modern pharisees who surround us). Just live each moment in the Spirit. You’ll know what to do. Things will be taken care of. The things of the future you worry about don’t happen. Or, if they do, they are not what you were afraid of. That’s because you just live in the moment with God in you and leading you. And that’s all you need.

Just take one step at a time in the direction of your goal.

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Ways to gain perspective

June 19, 2010

In classic blogging tradition, I’m going to point you to another blog. Jon Swanson writes a blog called Levite Chronicles. In this post yesterday, he thinks of eight ways to gain perspective. Good points. Maybe I’ve introduced you to a new friend.

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Focus takes patience

June 18, 2010

Ever notice how sometimes you’ll think of someone or something and it comes into your life? Three times in the last month I’ve thought of someone and they’ve appeared in my life one way or another. Or sometimes we think of a spiritual fruit or it’s part of a teaching, and there occurs a chance to practice it? Well, that just happened, too. I find interesting and amazing things happen when I’m tuned in spiritually. But when travels and other pressures grow intense and I don’t take time to pause, then I miss opportunities.

We just had teaching on patience–one of the spiritual fruits (that is, ways of living with God)–that Paul details in Galatians. If you are tuned to your spiritual life, you’ll recognize opportunities for patience. Such as cutting a little short the amount of time you allow to drive to the airport, clear security and be in time for your flight. This is a routine part of most weeks for me. Sunday, I allowed enough time but no “what if..” time. And sure enough, for the second straight week there was a traffic jam on I-75 heading to Dayton. It’s a rural area. There shouldn’t be that much traffic at noon on Sunday.

Oh, then I realized–it’s time to cultivate that spiritual fruit I was just learning about intellectually. Now it’s time to make it part of my personality. There’s no sense in getting anxious, complaining, trying to drive aggressively. You just “chill” as they say. What happens, happens. So you just remain calm, listen to some music, and make it when you make it. If you’re late, you just rearrange flights. But I made it, and slept comfortably in Phoenix Sunday night.

And patience is actually tied into focus and distraction. I could have been distracted by all manner of “what if” thoughts–and actually those thoughts did start. Then I returned to focus, remembered the teaching on patience and calmly made my flight.

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Why do we villify people

February 1, 2010

I’ve been thinking on this subject for many weeks when I ran across this blog from marketer Seth Godin. The bitterness of the local school levy was filled with high emotion, low fact and much, much vilification (making the opponents out to be villains). People are not necessarily evil just because they disagree with you. After several defeats, it finally passed last November–by one vote. It is almost three months after the election and people still are writing letters to the editor about the rich people in their luxurious homes foisting off higher taxes on the poor and elderly. Some even argue against their own economic well being. (One of the most vocal opponents to the levy is a rental unit owner. If the levy never passed, the schools would face massive cuts to state minimum standards, reducing to a very low number people looking to move here, reducing property values, therefore reducing the potential customer base for his rentals and the value of his wealth in real estate. Oh, if life were only logical.)

Godin ponders this psychology in his blog The False Solace of Vilification. Here is a sample:

A flood hits a town and innocent people die and buildings are destroyed. The widows and bereaved families take it out on the insurance adjuster or government official who has come to help.

The economic downturn hits a town hard and some residents attack, quite personally, the hard-working school board members who had nothing to do with the bad news and in fact represent one of the best ways to ultimately recover.

In each case, the person being hated on is precisely the person who can do the most to help. And yet sometimes, we can’t help ourselves. It takes significant emotional maturity to separate the event from the people in proximity to the event, and any marketer or organization that deals with the public needs to embrace the fact that just because you’re close to where the bad thing happened doesn’t mean it’s your fault.

Emotional maturity. Something I’ve been trying to attain for a very long time. Just when I think I’ve achieved balance, something happens and I explode. Fortunately that’s only once every other year or so anymore. But I’m sure we all need to strive for it. I once was in a training session for managers where the instructor put up one of those famous 2×2 matrices. The two axes were good/poor feel for people and good/poor emotional maturity. Research was done which showed that positive reviews of managers by “subordinates” centered around emotional maturity regardless of “feel for people.”

The next time you’re delayed at the airport because of bad weather, don’t take it out on the gate agent. That person has no control and sometimes knows less than you. However, that person can be your best friend in finding another flight. I’ve seen where one didn’t help the person in front of me who had launched a tirade. But I stepped up with a smile and said something like “tough day, isn’t it?” She got me on another flight, and I got home at a reasonable time. My goal–be that way in all my dealings with people.

The more I study the Bible and writings by ancient philosophers (and some more modern ones such as Emerson), the more I realize that the real message is about how to live. What will you do tomorrow when you first meet someone? How will you act? What will you do when you get up? What will you say? How will you act? Will you “live with God” or will you drift along with your emotions?

It’s a journey we’re on. It’s tough. Live with God to get the most out of it.

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Be a person of influence

January 18, 2010

This is Martin Luther King day, and I’m sure that yesterday pulpits of predominately white churches were filled by persons of color (as they say today) reminding attendees of the vision and legacy of Dr. King. What a shame that 40 years later, we’re still struggling with prejudice. Actually, there have been great strides made in American (and others) society regarding opportunity and justice.

The speaker I heard yesterday spoke of when Jesus and his disciples chanced upon a blind man who was probably identifiable as a “philosopher”–probably from the Greek tradition and someone most likely not identified as “spiritual.” When the man called out for mercy, the disciples, seeing he was not one of them, told him to be quiet. Jesus, seeing that he was a human being with a soul longing for healing, healed the man. One group was “prejudiced” by the outward person–he’s not one of us. Jesus was “prejudiced” (that is, has a preconceived opinion about a person or group) in quite the other direction. He was predisposed to think of people as sinners in need of healing and saving no matter what group, actions, lifestyle, etc.

This talk reminded me of this blog from Liz Strauss about a person of influence–words from a song (No Secrets) by Carly Simon. Talks about a way of life that we all should be living. Toward everyone we meet.

His friends are more than fond of Robin

He doesn’t need to compliment them

And always as he leaves he leaves them

Feeling proud just to know him … — His Friends Are More Than Fond of Robin

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Living Consistently

January 11, 2010

Ever notice people say one thing, then act another way? I remember a teacher from high school saying, “Do as I say, not as I do.” On the other hand, Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.” The emphasis there, of course, is on the word foolish. So the real question of the day is–do my actions reflect my beliefs? Do I tell people how to behave while behaving in a completely inappropriate way?

I started thinking about this in a “church” context when I chanced upon a series of links to someone while searching the Web for quite another person. This person (female, married) is very much the director of the marriage relationship. She is outspoken (leadership role?) about the potential direction of her local congregation. Yet, what is the belief system of the local congregation that she’s defending? That women do not belong in leadership!

Robert Burns, the Scottish poet, wrote, “O wad a giftie gie us, to see ourselves as ithers see us.” (or something like that) One form of meditation is to take your center of consciousness outside of yourself and watch yourself as on a 3D screen acting in relationship. I’ll tell you, the ability to do this at the appropriate moment can change the way you act at an airline ticket counter or grocery store queue. It will also help you witness your faith more consistently and effectively when you see how you treat others and then act appropriately.

Sometimes I think we get so worked up about how smart we are intellectually that we miss the behaviour part of life. And what does Jesus evaluate us on? Ideas–or actions?

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6 things to help your kids

October 24, 2009

Taking a break from the study of Ephesians to pass along some good thoughts and advice I found through my feed reader. Don’t be put off by the title of the blog. Leo passes along some sound thinking about life. Read the entire post, but here is the short list:

  • Read
  • Talk
  • Snuggle
  • Remove your shield
  • Get them excited
  • Trust

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Lead a Worth Life

October 22, 2009

Paul says in Ephesians, “I beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called.” There is a lot of meaning packed into a seemingly simple sentence.

First, you have been called. Did you know that? If not, maybe you haven’t been listening. So first comes listening for the voice of God (one major part of prayer, by the way). Then God speaks and you must discern the meaning and understand you’ve been called. Calling in this case is a noun, but it implies a verb–something  you do in response to God’s request.

Later in this section, Paul lists a bunch of callings to help his readers understand what he meant. The list is familiar including teachers, preachers, apostles and the like. That’s really sort of a guide. As society changes, types of jobs subtly change, too. We need all sorts of called people today.

I came to the conclusion years ago that the Bible as well as all great philosophers consistently teach how to live. The instructions are ancient–and they really haven’t changed much in over 5,000 years. But we still have trouble actually doing it–living a with-God life. Paul begs us to lead a life worthy of the calling. You can only do this by living a life (as Paul said in another place) where you pray without ceasing. It is so easy to get caught up in emotions, sticky situations, relationship problems, needs. That’s when you need to spiritually “step back” and look at yourself and your situation, ask God for help, and then return to the fray with the refreshed attitude and right-relationship with God. Then maybe we can approximate the worthy life.

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Every Blessing

October 13, 2009

One of my commentaries says Paul’s opening in Ephesians that includes God providing every spiritual blessing is derived from a common synagogue prayer in his time that his readers would have understood. However, a joy of reading with fresh eyes includes gaining new understanding. What would it mean to live as if you had every spiritual blessing? I recently heard a talk by noted management writer Gary Hamel where he quoted survey respondents saying that they saw no difference in the way their Christian friends lived and anyone else. Does that apply to you? Are you living as if you have received every spiritual blessing from God?

OK, that’s probably not something you attain as final during your life. Rather, it’s more like a guide during the journey. Few of us are perfect, but all of us can show something of the indwelling of the Spirit. Right?

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