Violating The “Andy Stanley” Rule

There I was, as my usual habit, on the running track above the back gym at the Y. It came to me there were just two of us up there. The other person was a woman. A woman and me; the back gym; no one else around.

The “Andy Stanley” rule, which I named after the founder, leader, and pastor of Northpoint Ministries in suburban Atlanta, states that a man should never be alone with a woman not his wife. He won’t go to lunch alone with his assistant even to a public restaurant. He talks about being given a ride from an airport to a speaking engagement by a woman and being extremely uncomfortable.

There is solid thinking behind that rule, but also some problems. It is true that if you are rich and famous and powerful (or 2 out of 3), being seen alone with a woman not your wife can lead to gossip.

I think he’s worried as well about leaving yourself open to accusations from which you’d have no defense. Had that woman on the running track decided for whatever reason to tell people that I had touched her or otherwise made her feel uncomfortable, I’d have had no defense other than my word.

On the other hand, I’ve dealt with probably hundreds of women professionally over a long career. My tendency is to treat everyone the same.

But I have come to understand that women in general have a certain wariness about men that is not always apparent to us. I once met a woman while running in the park. I mentioned I’d never seen anyone to be concerned about. “I have,” she answered glancing around. And I thought, even though I’m watchful, she has greater concern and is much more sensitive to circumstances especially concerning men than I.

The New Testament has an often not explicit foundation condition called trust. Some of us trust easily; others take time to trust others. Regardless, trust once broken destroys many.

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