I’ve been on a business trip to Chicago. In this economy, I got the chance to hire someone and she started Monday. So I needed to make sure she got started on the right foot. But I also got the chance to have dinner with my daughter and her husband. They are both mental health therapists (letters after their names on the business card).
We started talking about therapists and doing therapy with adolescents. They related experiences. I thought about how it works in so many situations.
Kids are a great source of information about yourself. They see through “fake” and “condescension” better than adults most of the time. If you are going to relate to a kid, you need to treat them as a real person, look at them when you listen, get down on their physical level, don’t preach. (Man, I still can remember the ‘preaching’ I got as a kid–never worked and not fond memories.)
Then I thought about Christians. So many of us are so filled with passion we just can’t wait to tell everyone. But the trouble is, we want to tell everyone. And what do we tell them? Is it just a formula? “Trust in Jesus and you’ll be saved.” But what does that mean to someone who is hurting? Probably nothing. Just empty words.
What if you treated all conversations like a good therapy session. Not that you’re “curing” anyone. But just listen. Supposedly famous baseball player Yogi Berra said “you can hear a lot just by listening.” Ask questions and wait for a response. Don’t jump in with a formula for fixing the problem or issue.
When you listen, try empathy. Not sympathy. Empathy. That is, show concern for the other person. Look at them. No matter what their age, appearance, odor, intelligence–treat them with respect as an equal. Did I mention look at them? Give them your attention. Amazingly, that is communication.
In doing this, you are actually representing Jesus. I am editorial director of a magazine. My mantra is show, don’t tell. People learn more that way. When you’re giving a talk, tell stories for illustration. It’s the same here. Show Jesus through your concern and understanding. He did it–with considerable effect. I bet we can, too. I bet you get a healthier response from the other person and are more likely to get them into a group (church?) that will help them grow by true listening than by spouting off formulas that people will tune out.
Faith Venture 
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